I love people watching and while I’m bit of a gym rat (by default boo, I work there) I have peeped some serious high school behavior in both the weight room and fitness studios lately. Whether I’m gearing up to teach a RAD group fitness class or pumping iron with the boys on the gym floor, I keep running into this new character–the mean fit girl.
I’m not judging! And while I think your behavior is funny, some of my fit girl homies skip out on their workout so they don’t have to encounter you and your sweaty yet sassy ways. So just in case you’re her, know her or are on your way to becoming her read these “I may be a mean fit girl” warning signs and symptoms stat. Knowing is half the battle:
1. You only wear designer fitness apparel, and use the term ‘athleisure’ every chance you get.
2. Speaking of athleisure, when another fellow fit girl asks where you got your gear from, you respond with lies like: “I can’t remember,” or “This is a few seasons ago, so you know (sigh, eye roll, sigh) it’s (long pause) vintage.”
3. Vintage fitness apparel is certainly a thing to you since you also look down on girls who get their workout clothes from the same place they buy their toilet paper and other one-stop-shopping products.
4. Being a cutie while you’re sweaty is important to you, which is why you strongly believe that not wearing makeup to the gym is a sign of laziness.
5. Because, duh you have to look like you “woke up like this” before, during and after your morning workout. What will people think of all your locker room selfies if you actually showed up to the gym fresh faced?!
6. Working out is the new Glamour Shot. Duh. But only private locker room shoots please–because lets be honest the girls who take selfies on the gym floor and not in the privacy of the locker room, are just sad.
7. Oh and about those sad selfies–I saw you holding back the tears when you realized the new iOS update included a self timer camera setting. It’s okay I wont tell anyone you prop your phone up in an empty locker (thinking it’s out of sight). Really, no judgement. Capturing the perfect sweaty (but not gross) come hither (but not slutty) look is tough!
8. Here we go! On to my favorite part–your workout routine. If you’re sweating solo, you deliberately scan all the treadmills and either look for the hottest guy or fastest girl to do your treadmill workout on. I mean cause duh, hottie hunting and racing another girl both lead to a “runner’s high” for you.
9. But that doesn’t happen too often because you primarily take group fitness classes. The best in the city that is. I mean who has gym memberships anymore anyways–boutique fitness is where all the cool fit girls are!
10. And since you only sweat with the best (read: trainers and instructors who have 10K+ followers on the ‘gram), if someone is set up in “your spot” once you walk into class (usually 10 minutes late) you better believe there’s about to be a girl fight!
11. Or, on the occasional days that you do show up early, you setup front row and kindly (fake smile intact) ask the new fit girl in class to move (her body and her equipment)…or else.
12. Everyone knows you’re totally your favorite instructor’s favorite groupie. So when class is over you think it’s okay to plug your own iPod into the sound system (for what? another cool down) although there’s a sign that clearly reads “for instructor’s use only.”
13. If there’s ever an award for the “Most Focused Fit Girl In The World,” hands down you would win. Because let’s be honest, listening to “Happy “ on your iPod and refusing to smile in between sets of 3 lb bicep curls takes some serious skills.
Moral of this funny story: sweating, happiness and kindness are all besties in the Fit Girl World, so Mean Fit Girl: Please take several seats. XOXO Your favorite Pro Fit Girl/People Watcher and deliverer of RAD Experiences!
Disclaimer: This list was created to make you laugh, cause honey if you’re mad – then reread this list starting with symptom #1. Happy Sweating!